Holy cow, I can’t believe I just made six spring rolls. No, it’s not the making of spring rolls itself that is amazing. I’ve made spring rolls before. In fact, I’ve made them many times. And when I say I’ve made them before, I mean that I’ve made a gazillion of them. The recipe I’ve been using makes 40 spring rolls. FORTY. That’s a lot of freakin’ spring rolls. At first, you’re like, “Oh, I love spring rolls! 40 spring rolls sounds GREAT! Who wouldn’t want 40 spring rolls?”
But as it turns out, 40 spring rolls is a bit much, especially when only one person has any real desire to eat them. That’s spring rolls for lunch and spring rolls for dinner FOR A WEEK STRAIGHT. Yes, 40 is too many. Not to mention making 40 spring rolls by hand. I think it took 5-6 hours of non-stop work. Sonja doesn’t like non-stop work. No siree-bob.
Next time, I tried to halve the recipe. Sure, 20 spring rolls seems more reasonable, right? Well, there’s no way that halving that recipe resulted in only 20 spring rolls. There’s must have been at least 30-35. Maybe they bred in the hot love pot of oil. I don’t know. But it still took forever and there were still spring rolls coming out the wazoo. And I’m sure that you can imagine that spring rolls coming out of the wazoo is a tad uncomfortable.
Okay, okay, I said the next time. I can do this. I can make it reasonable. I’ll quarter the recipe. Yeah, ten spring rolls. That’s the ticket. Refer to paragraph 3 to see how that worked out.
I gave up on spring rolls. I mean, I can admit when I’ve been defeated, and defeated I was. So that was that. Until it wasn’t. HENCE MY STUNNING VICTORY AGAINST ALL ODDS. Well, that might be over-stating it a bit, but really not so much.
This afternoon I was overcome with the desire to make spring rolls again. The recipe, however, was mostly ignored. The recipe calls for quite a bit of meat, and I’ve given up meat, so I decided to throw some cellophane noodles, shitake mushrooms, grated carrot, chopped onion and minced garlic together and hope for the best. I put minuscule amounts of each of these things into a bowl. Perhaps, I thought, I won’t even have enough for two spring rolls, but that’s okay. Two is okay. And then there were six. (Refer again to paragraph 3.)
But six spring rolls… six spring rolls are nice. And they taste good despite my recipe tampering. AND I AM QUEEN OF THE WORLD.









